I Wish I Had Never Let You Go
by Paddy's Little Friend
Summary: Final instalment in the series, sequel to 'Kissed Him'. Will the boys get their happy ending?


6 months after the general release of 'Luciano'

When I realised that my film, called 'Luciano', was going to make it big, I knew I was in trouble. Writing it felt so easy; I just told our true story, I kept everything the same except for the ending – the main characters in my movie ended up together. I've dreamt time and time again about our reunion and I hate how never telling you how I feel is my biggest regret. Luke, you have no idea how much I would give to feel your lips against mine.

Do you find it ironic that I'm now classed a 'gay icon'? I do. Although the public don't actually know that I'm gay, being behind such a huge film has pushed me out onto that platform and it's such honour to know I'm a voice for my own people. Looking back, it's you who should be where I am today – speaking out for the equal rights of same-sex couples; you always knew who you were and you were never ashamed of it. You didn't shout it from the rooftops or make it everyone's business to know but you never hid it. I hid from it, for so so long.

I married a woman just to make everyone happy; little did I know just how unhappy it was making me. Holding Elisa in bed, I would wish it was you. Instead of her soft curves and her long silky hair, I imagined it was your strong, firmer build and your short, cropped hair that would easily brush past my fingers as opposed to getting all tangled up at night.

When the mailman handed my mail and I saw my name scrawled across the envelope in your scratchy handwriting, I didn't know what to think.

_Noah Mayer,_

_Congratulations on the success of 'Luciano', everyone I know adored it and it was a truly ground-breaking film – perhaps even more so than Brokeback Mountain? I know it has been along time since we have spoken all those years ago at the hospital but I had to write to you._

_I couldn't help but notice the parallels between the story of Luciano and Nicolas and that of our own lives._

_The first moment I laid eyes on you, I was in love. Over the year I learnt to push that feeling further and further back until you were just a friend, someone who I could rely on but I was never truly myself around you. I was scared to tell you how I felt because I'd convinced myself you didn't feel the same way. Letting you go after that first year was a mistake, but you learn from your mistakes I told myself._

_I met Reid and he was all I could have asked for, he was brutally honest with me but he loved my flaws more than I hated them. We started a life together and my life was complete – I thought I had everything I needed. And then you made a reappearance in my life and the papers which had been neatly filed and stacked were once again strewn all over the floor._

_After that I couldn't push you aside anymore – 'Luciano' came out in the cinemas and your name and face were everywhere. Every time I saw those beautiful eyes, even if it was a grainy photograph in a trashy gossip magazine, my insides crumbled. I reverted back to my teenage self quicker than I knew was possible. Reid recognised there was something not right with me but I refused to acknowledge it. When he took me to see 'Luciano' I felt physically sick; if my subconscious hadn't paired your name with my birth name and come up with a connection then about 10 seconds into the picture when 'Miserable at Best' by Mayday Parade started to play I knew it was about us._

_It didn't take me long to fall in love with you again, Scott Green's portrayal of Nicholas was the spit of how I so fondly remember you and seeing Nicholas and Luciano together gave me a sense of hope that I still feel is false._

_Reid and I are no longer together – I was that much of a wreck after seeing 'Luciano' that I had to come clean. In fact, he's the one who encouraged me to write you this letter; we're still very close friends._

_Noah, after all these years that we've lost, I still feel like we can make it work. True love is something you can't ignore and I know you're my soulmate._

_I'm racing against this letter; if you're reading it and I'm not with you, I'm on my way. I land at LAX at 4pm on Thursday. If I am with you, I'm surprised you've gotten this far._

_I really pray that we can make this work Noah._

_I love you,_

_Luke_

When I got to the front desk of the studios you were stood there. Your lips crashed against mine and from then on my life was changed. I'm eternally happy.

I love you Luke,

Noah


End file.
